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“I’m gonna urge my self to be a materialistic blogger !!” that’s what’s coming in my mind now. Yep it’s always learning, learning and learning .. what a never ending process cape deh. Why need to learn anyway ? isn’t blogging is just as simple as counting 1 … 2 …3 ?? Well definitely NOT that simple – at least for me.

Hmm .. I guess I already told you that, with a bunch of spirit and encouragement, that I’m going to back to blogging few months ago, but the sad fact is, I’m still stuck in this spot now . And after days passing and as a part of tantangan dalam tujuh bulan itu, this morning it’s time for me to say “here is the D-day, I will completely improve my blogging attitude, and start seriously working on it !! “- another promise ? *sigh*

Dan satu langkah kecil menuju blogger matre itu bernama … get a senior blogger to engage with * Thank God for blessing me with such friend(s) that care to share. * Whoops … not that ‘engaged’ , but engaged in the meaning of getting a close bond of doing the blogging.

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I start this morning with a cup of cappuccino – again -  after some mornings count with NO coffee. I excuse my  mind for this, like this coffee is nothing but a nice little thing, just as little as my self who day by day just seek for …. fogiveness ? mercy ? something ? or nothing ? .

After some couple of nights, completely body exhaust, but these eyes that just won’t wanna be closed. It feels like these nerves inside my brain has totally confront one and another. One side told my to go to bed, while the other side just wouldn’t want to.

At nights, waking, mind’s elsewhere, wandering then trying to get it back on my track. The monitor that keeps blinking, strike my very own eyes, hard to handle sometimes, but still this-rebel-brain-part can’t stop thinking. Stop it !! Stop it !! Stop it !! . I keep tricking my mind to stop thinking. Stop it stupid !! completely dull and brainless girl !! . Sleep !! Sleep !!. After some couple of nights, I clean my bed, cover it with some comfortable layers, and the only one who falls a sleep there is – if I may say one – my dear white-snout-ginger cat. I just smiled at, and these eyes still waking.

God … (more…)